


the gravity of tempered grace

by it_was_like_slow_motion



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mattex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:27:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1269832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/it_was_like_slow_motion/pseuds/it_was_like_slow_motion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, if you're totally confused as to why this work is gifted to you, I'm terribly sorry! I feel really bad about my lack of ability to answer comments (mostly because I'm too busy squealing because someone <i>actually</i> commented) and then I get all sort of flustered, and feel really really bad because you all are so absolutely lovely to me! So basically what I'm trying to say is that if I notice that you comment on my stuff a lot this is a thank you gift for you because everyone needs more Mattex and you especially deserve it for being wonderful. :)</p><p>(This is un-beta'd and I completed the entire thing in like half an hour, so sorry if it's shite.)</p>
    </blockquote>





	the gravity of tempered grace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovelywordshenanigans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelywordshenanigans/gifts), [Lady_Cleo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Cleo/gifts), [Yasminmts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yasminmts/gifts), [ChiefDoctor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiefDoctor/gifts).



> So, if you're totally confused as to why this work is gifted to you, I'm terribly sorry! I feel really bad about my lack of ability to answer comments (mostly because I'm too busy squealing because someone _actually_ commented) and then I get all sort of flustered, and feel really really bad because you all are so absolutely lovely to me! So basically what I'm trying to say is that if I notice that you comment on my stuff a lot this is a thank you gift for you because everyone needs more Mattex and you especially deserve it for being wonderful. :)
> 
> (This is un-beta'd and I completed the entire thing in like half an hour, so sorry if it's shite.)

She was absolutely and utterly devastated. Once more a relationship had fallen to shambles – not a marriage, this time, but just a regular old relationship. She thought she should have been used to that. In her line of business, getting up to the mythical third date was rare enough, let alone having anything that lasted longer than a few months. Relationships were as fickle as the weather, especially when she was so _damaged_. She didn’t like the word, but she was sure it was the only thing to describe her any more. Damaged. She wondered vaguely if she could ever be whole again, when she had thought maybe she’d be able to make another go at marriage with the stupid sod.

She sat on the edge of the empty pool that she occasionally filled when she spent her summers in Los Angeles, letting her toes dip into the precipice that looked so utterly endless, even though it was only six and a half feet down. It was remarkably symbolic, she thought to herself. It looked like an awful long way to fall, but really, it wasn’t. And in the end, did it really matter how far it was? The end was still the same – the crunch of bone against concrete. She shivered at the image she managed to conjure up in her own brain, and abruptly looked down at her fingers, trying to distract herself.

Her life felt like it was tumbling down around her ears. It was hard to breathe, but she didn’t really care. She could breathe through the makeshift gills on the insides of her wrists that had healed into ugly purple scars but begged to be reopened every time something like this happened. Every time she was overwhelmed, they screamed at her, persuading her to let them breathe for her again. She had never given into them before, not since the first time, but now…She heaved a sigh, reminding herself she could still breathe through her own two lungs. She was so alone, but she still had her own body, powered by a heart that was still beating, albeit with a bit of a protest as it insisted, not for the first time, it was broken.

Somehow, it had always healed. Perhaps a little bit crooked and maybe a little too slowly for her liking, but she had healed. It was only a matter of time before it healed again. She repeated that like a mantra in her head – there was a storm swirling around her head, but just like all of the storms before it, it, too, would pass. Nibbling at the edge of her nail, she continued swinging her legs back and forth, not really sure what else to do. The night was becoming chilly, as was customary for March, and she shivered. Cold and lost; those seemed to be the most accurate descriptors of her right now.

As she climbed into bed that night, pulling the duvet up around her chin and curling in around herself, she wished for the innocence of youth. She wished for the naiveté of hope, and the boundless faith she once had in love. Failure had crushed all of those dreams rather nicely, though. First two marriages, and now a relationship that had lasted a whopping year and a half. She had told people she was _spoken for_ , damn it, and then he decided to run off with some other bird? The sadness and frustration that swirled in her gut had been building up and fermenting over the past days, and she wished there was a way to release it. Given that, at the particular moment in time, homicide wasn’t an option, she settled for sleep instead.

She had forgotten that he was going to visit her until he called her to inform her that his flight had gotten in. She had told him she would be there to pick up soon, but the necessary preparations were going to take hours at the very least. The first on her list of priorities was to make it look like she hadn’t spent the night crying, and it was most certainly a Herculean task. The redness of her eyes was easily concealed, but the puffiness was a totally different story. After about five minutes of trying, she eventually slid on a pair of sunglasses and called it good enough – he probably wouldn’t notice anyways. For all of his good qualities, perceptiveness about emotional issues was not one of them.

When she met him at the airport, she had to say that it was like no other reunion she had ever experienced. Perhaps it was her recently-dumped status or the contour of his muscles or the way he smiled at her, but the fire in her stomach was undeniable. He was a burst of light, and she couldn’t believe she had never noticed it before. He could blind anyone with his grin, and she was positive that he _did_ blind at least half the people in the City of Angels. Maybe she was being melodramatic (well, she was _definitely_ being melodramatic), but it was like the heavens had blown apart, and bestowed all of their stars to his eyes. She was running out of metaphors for light and heat and flame as she flipped through them all in her head, unable to come up with one that was suitable for what he was.

It was only a matter of time, she supposed. She had been so careful around him, not to fall in love. It hadn’t worked out too horribly well in the end. Her brain was adamantly against the idea, but of course her heart had always sung for him, and her body wasn’t much better. Guilt spiraled through her as she drove him back to her home. In a way, her now-ex had been her rebound for a relationship that never was, and now in an odd way, she wanted Matt to be a rebound for his own rebound? It was enough of a twisting circle that she confused herself.

The trouble was, despite the confusion, one thing was sure. She had feelings for him. They were confusing feelings, but feelings. She was already hurtling through the freefall, flying towards a destination that was currently unknown. She had a feeling it was similar to the endpoint of all her other relationships; the concrete bottom of her pool, a wall of emotions they couldn’t get past, commitment issues that scared her away. It wasn’t going to be a pretty landing, yet she allowed herself to fall anyways. That was the root of her problem, she decided. Falling when she knew there was no one going to be there to catch her.

That was also the reason she was infinitely surprised when he actually caught her. Figuratively, of course, though with his impressive new muscles, she was sure he could’ve done it literally as well. He was much better at reading emotional cues than she had thought, and she found herself succumbing to his charms. Resistance was futile, and she smirked at the thought as he grabbed her hand, pulling her with him into the pool he had insisted she fill, even though it was still practically winter.

When he kissed her, lips slick with the taste of chlorine, she gave up. Every insecurity flew out the window with the cool press of his lips against hers, and she marveled at how easy it was to let him hold her. For the first time in a very long time, she was able to let go of the anger and bitterness she had held onto for far too long.

She, Alexandra Kingston, loved Matthew Smith. And it was wonderful.


End file.
